Welcome to the Galactic Holofood, featuring news around the Galaxy
In breaking news, it seems as though the oil spill on Naboo is still spreading. In a press conference late last night, the Queen estimated that approximately 50,000 gungans have died so far. While the loss of life is tragic, the Queen stated that she will not attempt to fix the problem at this time. More on this later.
Unrest has been the feeling on Mos Eisley for the past week, following a number of brutal crimes. A citizen of the town, who wishes to be known only as "Player 1," was dragged from his home on monday evening and beaten to within an inch of his life by a band of Jawas. On Tuesday, a fight erupted in the cantina in which three people were killed and seventeen more injured. According to a witness: "We wasn't even spawncamping the place and the noobs still attacked us." The latest tragedy occured just last night. A man known as Ashukajiwa Kanshihowa was brutally raped and murdered by an anime hate group.
There is some good news, however. Chewbacca and his family of wookiees have just returned from their cruise vacation aboard Mos Eisley's skiff boat.
Added (2010-07-15, 12:30 PM)
It is a dark time for the Rebellion. Reports indicate that a major blackout on Yavin 4 has caused ten million of the planet's citizens to be without power for the past week. So far, there is no word on when the power may be back on. For now, citizens must cope with the lack of power. Jedi on the planet are urged to purchase portable generators to power their lightsabers.
More horrible reports come from the viper pit that is Mos Eisley. A family of Jawas was accosted late last night by a tusken raider gang known as the Team Killers. They killed the four Jawas, a man, his wife, and their children. The tuskens then proceeded to taunt their rotting corpses. In another story out of the violent Tatooine town, it appears as though a break-in occured in the city's eastern district. In the home directly above the Hero's eastern spawnpoint, a group of three bandits allegedly "glitched" their way into the home of prolific billionaire Han Solo. Though reports are confused at this time, Solo believes that Jedi Master Yoda himself led the robbery, coming in through Solo's canvas awning.
In news out of Endor, it appears a rock concert to benefit an Ewok charity was cut short when the charred remains of the Second Death Star fell to the ground, killing 100,000 Ewoks and the band. No word yet from any of the few survivors.